Prayers Needed

Hello friends and family,

     First, a letter to Depression from Hope.

Dear Depression,

     I am hope.  We've met before, many times in fact.  Even if for brief moments, for when we meet, you leave.  I am your friend.  I wanted you to know my love for you dear Depression.  I know you are in perilous spiritual warfare.  I understand, but not completely.  For you are bound by the Fall.  If only I could help you, I would my friend.  You are loved by me and all I represent.  I hope, for that is my name after all, that you will be free.  Someday you will.  I know you are trapped and bound for the moment.  The time of redemption is near.  Please take my letter in and remember it.  Repeat it over and over when you are desperate.  I have to be honest with you, for I love you dear Depression.  You try not of your own accord of course, to defeat me.  However, I am undefeated.  I will rise as my Master calls me, to redeem the effects you place on the called and uncalled alike.  It is my nature to destroy you.  My love is strong for you, but you will change eventually.  Take heart Depression, the Light is coming.

Love,

Hope.

     Sonja and I were very depressed for four days straight.  Depression leaking into us like chemotherapy.  We received news that Coltrane due to his sleeping more and more, that he is in decline.  What news, what news.  No words.  However, a few of my Professors came by and that was the catalyst to our journey to hope in the Lord.  Sandra, Sonja's mother was randomly picked up by her walking friend.  She asked Sandra to walk with her on the JBU track, which she never does.  While walking the track, they literally ran into a Mexican man named Juan.  Sandra's friend knew him.  Juan heard about Coltrane and said to Sandra pointing to his head, "Don't think here.  You are going to hear bad news.  Don't listen here (head).  Believe here (pointing to his heart)."  He was very passionate and intense.  He kept speaking with Sandra about this, over and over.  Before she went walking I told my mom the bad news.  As soon as Sandra left, my mom called her about the bad news!  This was the news that Juan was talking about, that Coltrane was in declination.  Juan brought up Hezekiah and told us to do what he did.  He laid the letter of the Assyrian king before the Lord and gave it to Him.  Juan instructed us to lay before God anything physically tangible associated with Coltrane's diagnosis.  Sonja and I gathered many people to pray for us, 12-14 people.  They came over and we set the latest MRI scan that showed all the tumors, the Do Not Resuscitate paper I had to sign with tears streaming from my eyes,  and also the gigantic binder full of notes, papers, and documents that the doctors and Sonja and I put together throughout these last couple of years (almost 2 years ago!).  We laid them in the middle of the circle of people before the Lord our God.  We all prayed.  We prayed for generational curses to be lifted.  We asked for forgiveness of our sins.  We prayed that we would trust in God, and prayed for a complete miracle  We anointed him with water and oil from the Holy Land, Jerusalem.  The prayers were powerful, and I strained to pray, shaking.  I told God that I was angry that I was forced to watch my son suffer, and that He couldn't.  I am angry that I have to suffer as Coltrane's Dad, watching him with a deep sadness.  But I realized "Who am I?", as Job discovered.  Who am I?  I am a sinful man.  I am not Holy, but God is.  He couldn't watch His only son suffer.  He couldn't because the sins of the world were upon Jesus' shoulders.  Again, I am not holy.  I have but a little taste of what God the Father went through.  This is I believe, is a special gift from God, to be able to experience what God has, in a human way.  God must've been so sad to see His son betrayed, mocked, marred beyond human recognition (Yes, he didn't look like a human on the cross.  Our modern paintings and drawings, even film has not yet created what Jesus looked like while on the cross).  God must've watched, until He wasn't able to.  I imagine Him being crushed, turning his back on His son while he died.  I could never do that, for I am unholy.  It's a gift that I get to be there and help my son.  Then again, I imagine God loving what Jesus was doing.  God's plan was being fulfilled, as always.  He was pleased with Jesus and His sacrifice and resurrected Him after three days.  What a great testimony, a cornerstone to our faith in the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.   We are believing in a full on miracle, regardless of what the mind says.  We believe in our hearts that God will heal Coltrane.  This is our focus.  Our job as parents is to fully and truly represent Christ in every situation, striving to maintain patience in our trials, and having humility through it all.  People say we have great faith.  I don't know.  I know if they think that, it is only caused by the Holy Spirit giving us the faith and strength we need to press on.  I cannot and will not take credit.  It's been a long road, but more is to come.  We might not know what, but does it matter?  No.  Our God is leading us somewhere, and that place is a good place.  We love you all so much!

Please pray for:

Coltrane to be completely healed

His body to function like there's no cancer

His bone marrow to produce plenty of good blood cells

His oxygen saturation levels to go up

Sonja and I, Jackson and Coltrane to see visions and dreams of Jesus and have peace 

We are thankful for:

Coltrane's bruising getting better (not supposed to happen)

Coltrane's bed sores disappearing (not supposed to happen)

Coltrane to move his legs and toes, even if it's just a little bit.  Hey, I'll take 1/8 inch movements anyday (not supposed to happen)

Coltrane to be more aware and want to play (not usual for the last many weeks)

Love,

Justin

Sonja

Jackson

and Coltrane the Healed