We feel nothing, but we feel everything

Dear friends and family,

I can't begin to describe what we are feeling.  I feel nothing.  But I feel everything.  We feel we live in the deepest of the deep.  Blackness, darkness, pit, despair, worn, sufferance.  Our life is lack.  Lack: the state of being without or not having enough of something.  This is a little taste of what it's like.  He's gone.  He's dead.  But his sweet knowledgeable spirit is with the one who made him.  We feel dead right now.  We still can't fathom what this means...the finality of it.  We wake everyday not wanting to.  During our day, we pour our hearts out through tears, laughter, the deepest sorrow, and spending time with Jackson and playing.  We are surrounded by the Church and our family and friends.  We are so thankful.  What a thanksgiving!  We are thankful for God giving us Coltrane, even if it wasn't right, not to say that God bringing him home was wrong.  He didn't go "before his time".  He went home at the right time.  For there is a time to be born and a time to die.  This is reality.  

Our visitation will be at Community Christian Fellowship on the corner of Main and Lincoln, our church home.  We will have an open casket at this time.  The time for this is 5-7PM.  We will show a slideshow sharing our most precious memories from his sweet life.  

The funeral service will be at the same location, on Wednesday December 2nd.  This will be a time of celebration and worship to our Lord.  During this time the casket will be closed.  Immediately after, there will be a grave side service at Oak Hill Cemetery in Siloam Springs.  Then, a lunch back at the church afterwards.  

So many thoughts come up as we grieve.  We are angry.  We are happy that Coltrane is not in pain anymore.  "No more pokes, Coltrane!"  I find artwork in God's design in this.  That Sonja brought Coltrane into this world, and I was holding his hand sweetly, as he breathed his last.  I don't think it was coincidence that Coltrane's ministry was as long as Jesus' was, three years.  I doubt I will be able to do what Coltrane did in three years, in my whole life time.  He made such an impact on so many, through the power of the Holy Spirit.  It's interesting to think about Coltrane and what his eyes held.  So much he knew we think.  He was always quick, as his brother.  He would answer you less than a second when you asked him a question.  His vocabulary was astounding for such a young man.  Wouldn't it be cool if Coltrane was a modern day prophet?  Maybe God gifted him with knowledge that surpassed our understanding, being adults.  That sounds nice.  

Thank you for your prayers.  Please pray for:

Our marriage to remain strong as it has

Our time of grieving

Jackson and his process of grieving

For everything to go well with the visitation and the funeral.

Complete peace and understanding

Comfort 

My studies at the College

Us to gain more and more faith in God, and to have an even stronger relationship with him

Love to you all in Christ,

Justin

Sonja

Jackson

and Coltrane Roy Smith